Bubble II

So I've discovered the bubble. What now? I play this nifty little mind game that is way fucked up. When I bump into the bubble, I can feel it. It feels a little panicky, a little terrifying, a little like I don't know what to do with this. There is a little voice that say "shit, you might marry this chick, FUCK THAT!" Which is probably the root of a bigger problem. Avoiding that one for a while longer. It's easy to say oh I can date her because on the face of it there is this and this issue that I probably can't live with and it gives me the back door. Not the back door, back door, but back door like an easy way to make a clean break. Needless to say I've dated some fucked up chicks and sneaked out the back door on some good ones. The Cuban girl pulled a back door sneak out on me and earned the nickname of sneaky Nikki. When I was in the same situation, I knew not to let the girls get too attached but they did and it was a little fucked up of me to do that. Like they didn't know going into it that I was leaving but that's beside the point. All is fair in love and war. Isn't it a little fucked up that love and war are compared like that? So speaking of love. I've been on one date and it was like a negotiation exercise to get that one, don't get me wrong I've asked. (side note, I've asked this chick out twice and she's like oh ya sure let's do it this day blah, blah, blah. Come to find out she lives with her boyfriend. Oh ya that's some nice information to know. WHAT THE HELL? Oh ya she's a fucking lawyer or going to be one anyway.) Ok time in. I can't sleep and it is officially Valentines Day. I avoided any type of commitment that would cost me anything, either emotionally or financially, both of which is a burden right now anyway. It has taken some time to build the bubble and will take some time to unravel it. But as Cliff says recognizing it is the first step. The next step is not to categorize and put people outside the bubble. Ok well that's sometimes where they end up anyway. But I'm not going to pursue those that are outside the bubble. But for today I'm still a slippery fish that can't be caught.